I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize