Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
