i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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