I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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