I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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