After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
