The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize