It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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