On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
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