He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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