Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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