I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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