Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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