planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
