i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize