I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
