There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
