I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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