do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
