That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
