The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
