the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
