It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
