I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
