It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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