apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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