just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
