Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
