hell yes lets make some ravioli
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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