Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
All the doctor said was why
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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