We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
