Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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