i don't like sucking hair
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
