last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
