Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
