the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
