Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
