Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Houston, we have a squirter
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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