ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
