i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
