you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm at about main and main street
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
