You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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