I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
