So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
