when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
