good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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