he thought i was a dude.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
