I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
