with your own penis?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
