I just made out with a guy for $7.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
