good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
