everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
