i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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