and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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