Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
