Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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