Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
