Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
