He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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