worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
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