This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Is it penis luge time yet?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
