he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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