I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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