I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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